Soooooo, I pre-wrote this whole post about what we were doing this past weekend. I wrote about how in Texas everyone was going to either  Austin City Limits or to the Red River Shootout.

In Tucson there was a food festival –  Tucson Meet Yourself  – and its been absolutely gorgeous weather for camping on Mt. Lemmon.

I was going to talk about how all of these are things that Chris and I have done at some point in the last 10 years. But not this weekend. Instead, this past weekend I took the girls to their very first park “play-date” and we had plans to go to a pumpkin patch.

I was going to say that life is very different now that we have twins…..but to talk about how beautiful and amazing it still is and to share pics of the wonderful time that we had at these events.

Only……..

…..that’s NOT the way things worked out. At all.

Instead, things were not quite as glorious as I’d imagined and hoped.

I took the girls to the park play-date. We lasted about 45 minutes total. At around the 30-minute mark, Bailey had a massive meltdown for no apparent reason. The girl started screaming like she was being stabbed in the gut. It’s blood-curdling. It honestly sounds like she could loose her voice – it’s very VERY intense like that.

I didn’t know what to do. I held her, rocked her, shushed her (a la Baby Whisperer), tried to play with her. She was inconsolable. During this time, of course, Brooke starts to cry too (though Brooke’s cries don’t even compare to Bailey’s in intensity).

The meltdown lasted for what seemed like forever.

And there I was – trying to soothe both babies in a foreign environment and unsure of what to do. I felt completely overwhelmed. Tears welled up in my eyes and a few managed to slide down my face while I was trying to deal with the situation.

Moreso than being worried about the babies (because I knew they were fine), the problem with the outing is that it completely shook my confidence.

Having two babies can feel extremely immobilizing.

I see friends post pictures on facebook all the time of them with their infant out at this place or that place. They go on little outings all the time. Going on outings with TWO babies (especially if there’s only 1 adult), feels like an impossible challenge. And so we stay home.

We were supposed to go to the pumpkin patch the next day and I veto’ed it. I was still scarred from the previous day and the place was an hour away and I just didn’t feel up to it. Hopefully we can still go somewhere, but just pick a place much closer for a shorter trip.

I hear that it gets easier to go on outings. When the girls can walk and I can hold each one by the hand the logistics will be easier (try handling 2 bulky infant car-seats….or pushing the giant bus of a stroller that they have. Not very maneuverable). Obviously it will be harder in a lot of ways too, and I don’t want my babies to miss out on fun outings because its difficult for us logistically.

At the same time….they’re only 3 and a half months old. They don’t need to be out a lot right now anyway. Thank goodness we’ve got a great babysitter who allows me the opportunity to venture out of the house at least a couple times a week so I don’t go stir-crazy (even if its just for work)!

In the meantime….we’ll probably be hanging out around the house a lot with local neighborhood walks and the sporadic outing sprinkled into the mix.

I wish this could have been the “We had the BEST weekend” post that I had originally planned. But I want to “keep it real” here in blogland. And the reality isn’t as pretty and shiny as I’d hoped. And that’s okay, too. We’re still learning and its a process, but its a process that is worth the effort!

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